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I just made bad sperm. Even if through some miracle I did spooge in a nice tight cunt, the stuff would never last longe enough to fertilize an egg.And Problem three: Thanks to my screwing around with my hormones earlier in my stupid teenage years, I ejaculated much harder than the average man. I always covered my lap with a towel before whacking off, since I knew from experience that I could easily plaster the opposite wall. Sperm aren't designed to survive that kind of force.So, as I filed my reports, I ran my own experiments on lab equipment. The first thing I tried was modifying meiosis to produce only one sperm cell. The way I figured it, if I could chemically change the process to produce larger and sturdier sperm, it would solve the problem. Well, it didn't work, since the larger sperm merely used more energy. This resulted in a sperm cell that died much sooner, since it used up all it's energy merely moving. The plus side was that the additional mass was more likely to survive. Steph left the hospital Tuesday and took the baby home to her parents place. I had her served the papers and photographs Wednesday morning. The process server reported back that she started weeping as she accepted the envelope. At least her parents were on hand to look after her. I guessed that she’d probably already heard about being served from Ed, Jim or work. Or all three. There were a few more messages on my voicemail, this time more of the ‘we can get past this’ variety. Now she knew that I had the evidence, she was on to damage limitation. Pity she didn’t understand that the ‘zero tolerance’ attitude to cheaters that I’d always expressed especially applied to my wife. I’d have thought that she’d have known me better, maybe not.I kept her on my insurance for the moment, just in case the impossible had somehow happened, I was mistaken, and it was my child. My lawyer had also advised me not to be too harsh; I could use the continuing medical benefits as ammunition when her lawyer.
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